It is apart of me...

I know that most of my posts have been about trust issues and depression, but I am not normally like this. I used to be a very happy individual and very satisfied with my life. But when everything fell apart I did a lot of thinking about my life and wondered if this is where I wanted to be. It is normal for people to think about their life, but all I could think about is the lies that most of my "friends" tell me on a regular basis. And realizing that there is not one person that I actually trust completely and that is why I keep to myself most of the time. I am a shy individual and usually can not talk to people face to face most of the time.I do most of my talking over a computer or a phone. It is the place where I am more comfortable with myself and I have a different sense of confidence when I am working with computers. I can find the right words to say and I am completely different with a computer. When in person nothing I say seems to come out right, I'm nervous, scared, and just a wreck. And that is probably the reason why I am alone currently. But apparently everything happens for a reason. I hate that reasoning because that is all my ex used to tell me. I totally wish that I could talk to you the way I feel and maybe you'd see the kind of person that I am.

But that would be way too hard for me. Sometimes I wish that you would start the conversation with me just to let me know that you actually want to be my friend and not just saying it. Cause I hate feeling that I am bugging you or being a pest to you. Well that is all for now.