Small Update

So here is a small update. Sorry I have not been writing in this, but this last week has been a rough one. My Grandma Borton passed away on Monday, right before I was about to go see her. So I am truly sorry for not being able to post.

Thanks for understanding.

Tomorrow Never Comes

What I have learned well in the last 6 months. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. Nothing is. This is a hard lesson to learn, and it is one that I may have to be reminded of everyday. It is also a lesson that I do not want to learn again. These last 6 months have been hell. My friend told me that I should probably talk to someone about it. No one would understand. Besides that, having trust issues doesn't really help in telling a complete stranger everything. Hell, I don't even post everything I am feeling here. I just have one problem right now. If everything happens for a reason, what is the reason? I wish someone could answer this question for me...

Dreams

Now, when I approach the broad topic of Dreams, I mean the ones you experience when sleeping. Dreams, or nightmares, are things that your mind puts together from the subconscious part of your mind. So many times it was what was on your mind before you went to sleep. So I guess I am going to write about the dream I had last night. The only thing I actually remember is 2 figures, maybe a man and a woman, standing over my lifeless body repeating the phrase "You can do it. We believe in you." I just really want to know what this means...

Random Ramblings of a guy

You know, sometimes it is really hard to block out the world. Especially when you need to do it the most. When you have something going on, everyone around you seems to express their opinions. No matter what the point is, someone always has to make theirs known. I have this major problem of not being able to block out the world when I need to the most. You see, I care WAY to much about what other people think about me. I let what others say effect my mood. That is where music comes into play. I use music to block out the world. Listening to music is when I have the most pure thoughts about something.No matter the situation, I know that music will make it better, or at least appear too.

When your heart is gone

When your heart is not into something anymore you just know things are not the same. I have recently experienced this. Mainly in the relationship/friend aspect of my life. I noticed that if I don't put the effort into hanging out with friends, we don't hang out. Friends grow apart all the time, and sometimes old ones grow back together. They say that when friends move away from you, another friend will take their place by your side. My question is, where are these replacement friends? An answer to that question is, maybe they weren't real friends. If they were real friends, then they wouldn't have left, right? I have very few friends left, I just wonder how long they will stick around. Maybe a long time, maybe not much longer. What I do know is that everyone of my friends are great people, but not everything is meant to be.

Question

This isn't really a post, mainly because I don't have anything to write about tonight. Kind of burned out. But more of a question for you guys to respond to, through a comment.

Do you think that you can be friends after a break up from a long term relationship?

Nightmare

I will be honest, I really don't feel like writing tonight. It has not been a good day and everything I do seems to make it worse. The last couple of hours I have been sad, depressed, crying. No one to talk too. No one to turn too. Every time I start to talk to anyone they always just tell me to "cheer up" and "Stop being sad". Not a single person tries to help me, or just listen to what is wrong. Sad thing is, no one ever does. I am sick of it.

Well, I kept my promise of writing everyday. So here you go.

Sorry.

Why I write

I don't think I ever explained exactly why I write on here, or in a notebook. When I was younger I had a pretty rough childhood, as you may have read. Well I started writing in order to handle the stress, among some other things. Some things worked better than others, some things made the stress worse. Writing is one of the things that helped with it, as it let me put down what I was really thinking, without judgement. I never have been one to deal with conflict straight on, I always trying to shy away from it. So writing was one of the things that I chose to do to get away from it all. I never grew away from the one thing that helped me the most. So now you know.

I know that I said tonight's would be longer, and I lied. I am sorry, I hung out with some friends tonight, so I didn't have time to write tonight.

Thanks for reading.

Video Games

Video Games are part of my life, a way to release stress. I have used them in this manner for quite some time and I don't plan on stopping that. I have realized that I actually need to set that time aside to play games just because of that reason. Much like needing to spend time with someone, or going to work. Coming from a family with multiple siblings, this is actually one of the only ways that I found I had time to myself. I know that it seems pretty bad, but I used to basically worship the 1 hour a day that I got to play. It always seemed that everything was perfect in that time because the world that I was apart of for the short time, I was in control of. It is up to me whether I win or lose. Well that is it for tonight. Tomorrow will be a longer one, as I will have more time to write hopefully.

Thank you for reading.

Storms

Right now it is storming outside right now. It is hard to believe that I used to hate storms so much that I would actually freak myself out over it. It wasn't until I was forced to be outside in a storm that I had learned to love them. I know that sounds weird, but now I absolutely love them. The worse the storm, the better I sleep. I think of storms like this, no matter how bad the storm the earth continues to survive. Kind of like us. No matter how bad the storm gets in our lives we can survive them. All we have to do is keep fighting for what we believe in. It is really hard to stay optimistic about some things, but sometimes being optimistic is all you have. If you can get through the hurricane in your life, you can survive anything. Just believe it.

Thanks for reading.

God Forsaken

Far too often we rely on help from others, before we ever think about helping ourselves. It is those who help people that are far too often taken advantage of. Trust me, I know this. I am always helping when I can, which leads me to being taken advantage of. It is probably because I will generally help people, even when they don't deserve it. I have been told that I only do it because I am a "good Christian". Which actually makes me very mad. I do it because I want to. It is who I am , and always will be. Kind of like the fact that I will be there for anyone who needs me. Sometimes it really sucks, and I wish I could be a dick, but then I remember that eventually everything I have done for people will come back to help me out. So that when I need someone that hopefully someone will be there for me. So if you need help with something, let me know.

As always, thanks for reading.

Life Goals

I am pretty sure that I have talked about this before, but my goals have changed a little bit. It is no longer stay here and get a great job. It is actually to get my Master's degree from an unknown college and then to move out of Michigan. If I find someone that I want to date, then I will have something more to think about when that time comes. But as of right now, I have nothing/no one to hold me down to here. So what is the point of staying here? Sure, my family is here, but I can always visit. Besides, it isn't like anyone here is worth staying for. Except you. But I know that will never happen...

Maybe one day I will express who I am talking about when I say 'you'. Then again, maybe not. Although I am already sure 'you' know who you are. Oh well.

Sorry for the short writing.

Thanks for reading.